so we all have our "moments", right? when we feel incompetent as parents.
well...today is definitely one of them. i feel completely incompentent to keep my children safe. they are safer when i'm not around. they certainly aren't safe when i'm there...i'm sure i'm not the only parent to feel this way...but it's happening so frequently lately.
first jordyn has had two ER visits, via ambulance, because she has fallen back onto her head. the 2nd time...i was right next to her.
then we are battling with jacob's behavioral issues and what to do, where to turn, what to think, more research, more research and more research.
today...jack fell off a seat right next to me and landed, head first, onto the concrete. it was THE loudest sound ever. a person actually got out of her car because she heard it and saw it. i was with the vick family, thank God. if they hadn't been there, i don't know what i would have done with my other 2 children.
instantly jack's head had a big huge swollen spot on the back. and i mean INSTANTLY. i picked him up off the ground, he was only there 2 seconds and when i felt the back of his head...it was already there. someone got ice for him, thank you good samaratin, and i just held him while he cried. i debated with myself on what to do. when i took jordyn both times, it was nothing. a wasted trip. but better safe than sorry.
so after what seemed like an eternity...i took him to the hospital. the vick's had 2 vehicles, so i took one of theirs, so they could get my kiddos home. jordyn is a little princess, if you didn't already know, and only sleeps in her bed.
jeff was home sleeping, getting ready for his 7pm shift. so he was dead to the world and didn't hear his phone vibrating (10 times a minute for 20 minutes) or the home phone.
jack was whiney all the way to the hospital and just kept asking me where our car was. i wasn't sure if it was a 'memory" issue (due to the fall) or his normal repeated question behavior.
we had to wait in the waiting room for about 15 minutes (so apparently they weren't too concerned) before the triage nurse came to check him out. in the waiting room he just laid on me and whined off and on. i would check his pupils every few minutes, and they were normal and reactive, so i felt a little better. but there was a cartoon on, he was uninterested. there were toys, he was uninterested.
then some other kids came in and he decided to get up. then i couldn't get him to sit on my lap. all in one second...he was back to his normal self. curious. adventurous. demanding.
once we got our room, it only took a second for the nurse to come back to see us. he said everything looked good. then a couple minutes later the RN (with a lot of other letters behind RN) came to see us and he ordered x-rays. before he left the room, they were there to take him back to x-ray. he was such an awesome boy for all of his x-rays. they only had to retake one. but it's so hard not to look at the light. he was awesome.
after about another 30-40 minutes, the RN (with a lot of other letters behind RN) came back and said everything looked good. same ole, same ole warnings i get about head injuries.
well...it was a very eventful day and a very tiring one. needless to say, all the kids were in bed by 8pm and out in a matter of minutes. well...jacob was up a little later. it was more like jordyn:8:15, jack:8:20, jacob 8:45 (by the time i left his room). i left jacob's room to check on the other 2...sound asleep.
so here i am...wondering what God was thinking giving me 3 children. so often i hear, "God only gives you what you can handle." does He really know? is he sure? i think maybe He miscalculated this time. i'm just not feeling it. i feel completely incompetent and am waiting for DFS to come around because i can't seem to keep my kids from falling on their heads.
anyway...here i am. tomorrow is another day. and you know what...you've heard the story here. i'm really not up for jokes or comments about my kids and their heads. i really don't think i can take it in good fun. i'm really upset about it...so i have disabled comments on this post. it's just something i had to post. i do want it to be part of what they can read later on in life. but nothing i want to dwell on with the help of others right now. i really don't think i can take it...sorry! i'm done for the night. going to "veg" now on facebook/mafia wars.
